Danny Phantom Online Community

[Mabaroshiwoou]

Sorry for the delay, guys!

Bluemoon-obaasan: I added a little bit at the end as you suggested. Hope it's okay.

Quote:

The sun rose brightly over Amity Park again. A cool breeze blew, birds tweeted, and a red-eyed, glowing green weasel phased through the back door of the Fenton place, scampering down the steps and across the asphalt and grass, phasing itself again through the white-picket fence.

It paused on the other side, glancing around with stiff jerks of its head, raising its nose and giving the air a few sniffs. It spied a small bed of brightly-colored flowers at the foot of the next house. It paused, then trotted over to the soil’s edge. After a thorough peruse, its nose twitching, it grunted, curled its paws and began vigorously digging, dog-paddling deeper into the dirt, displacing a ton of it that came arcing up in haphazard spurts.

Suddenly, it froze, then twitched, and ran off. The back door of the gray building swung open, revealing Mrs. Grady in a bonnet and gloves, carrying a trowel and humming a tune. She stood at the edge of her small flower garden and knelt. Only now did she see the destruction: crushed petunias and uprooted roses, not to mention a gaping hole and small piles of the dirt that once filled it scattered across the lawn. Her eyes went wide; her jaw dropped as well as the trowel.

A scream of despair pierced the morning air.

Danny stirred at the noise, the cry piercing his tumultuous dream, dragging him back to consciousness, and all the terror with it. The boy bolted to a sit with a yawp, breathing arduously, head jerking to and fro as his vision cleared slowly. Finally he saw and gathered that he was back in his own comfortable bed. He raised his hands to his eyes and rubbed them. For a moment, he sat there, trying to take deeper breaths, his vision blurred a little again as he stared out at the wall.

After a few minutes, he was finally calm, taking a last deep breath and puffing out a long sigh. The covers flung back, and the boy swung his legs over the bed’s edge, rising to his feet.

The door opened, and Danny continued on down the hall toward the bathroom. In addition to feeling flu-like with stiffness and aches, his mouth was dry, and a terrible bitter taste lingered. Standing in front of the sink, he reached up and tugged open the cabinet door, pulling out a small paper cup, a half-rolled tube of toothpaste, and his trusty red toothbrush. After gulping down a couple cups of water to soothe his mildly aching stomach, he squeezed a length of paste onto the head of the brush.

Scrubbing his teeth, he stared idly into the mirror,. His vision blurred for a moment, then refocused. The toothbrush was…floating? Weird, but cool. He watched in mild awe and amusement as it moved up, down, from side to side, and made a circle. Suddenly, the realization hit him.

He inhaled some of the minty foam with a shrill gasp, violently spraying the faucet with the rest, dropping the brush and stumbling backward, slamming his back up against the porcelain tank. He sat for several moments, breathing audibly, his mind numb, staring at the sink and the mirror, the latter which still refused to reflect his image.

Suddenly, there came a knock. He uttered another, shorter gasp, turning his head, his unseen eyes painfully wide, teeth gritted.

“Danny?” came Jazz’s slightly muffled voice, “Are you in there? I heard a lot of noise. You okay?”

“I – I…” the boy stuttered, every fiber of his being frantically hissing Don't come in, don't come in! “I’m on the toilet!” he finally shouted back. Well, it wasn’t a lie.

“Oh…sorry,” the girl said more quietly. "Well, let me know if you need anything okay?”

Danny chuckled nervously, echoing “Okay, thanks!” Now please leave!

It was quiet again. The boy let out a long sigh, slouching, laying his head back on the top of the tank for a moment, closing his eyes.

There came another knock, jolting the boy upright. "Are you done?"

"Y-Yeah..."
"Well, could you come out, please? I'd like to talk to you..."
"Uh...in a minute!"

A minute passed more quickly than he had ever experienced before. He flinched as Jazz persisted.

"Danny, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Jazz!"

He clutched his head in his hands, cringing. What am I gonna do?

[Kali Phantom]

Shouldn't this be under the Origins subfolder instead of the general Remix one?

Now, for the editing…

Quote:

a red-eye, glowing green weasel

You mean "red-eyed" right?

I like the opening scene with the weasel, though I think you may be overusing the semi-colons. They're a tricky punctuation mark, and can usually be replaced by commas.

Quote:

displacing a ton that came arcing up in haphazard spurts.

It's usually a ton of something, isn't it? You can't throw abstracts around in reality.

Quote:

Suddenly, it froze, twitching, and ran off.

It's not moving yet it's twitching. I know what you're getting at, but it's just kind of weird the way you've worded it. "Suddenly it stopped, twitching" or "it froze, tense and nervous" are possibilities but by no means the only ones.

Quote:

She stood at the edge of her small flower garden and kneeled.

Oooh, here's a problem we'll need to deal with: dialectal variation. There are a number of verbs in English with two different past tenses, selected based on where you live, mostly. Kneel is one of them (I'm used to "knelt"), and there's dreamed/dreamt, dived/dove, and a bunch of others I'm forgetting but you get the point. For the sake of consistency, we should choose one and stick with it for the duration of the project. I'll volunteer to make the list. (Same goes for some other stuff, but I'll point what out when it shows up.)

Quote:

small piles of the dirt the once filled it scattered across the lawn.

"That"?

Quote:

The door opened,

On its own?

Quote:

In addition to feeling flu-like with stiffness and aches, his mouth was dry, and a terrible bitter taste lingered.

Nice! Adding in some physical injuries of his accident is a nice touch.

Quote:

Scrubbing his teeth, he stared idly into the mirror,. His vision blurred for a moment, then refocused. The toothbrush was…floating? Weird, but cool. He watched in mild awe and amusement as it moved up, down, from side to side, and made a circle. Suddenly, the realization hit him.

He inhaled some of the minty foam with a shrill gasp, violently spraying the faucet with the rest, dropping the brush and stumbling backward, slamming his back up against the porcelain tank. He sat for several moments, breathing audibly, his mind numb, staring at the sink and the mirror, the latter which still refused to reflect his image.

I like that scene…

Quote:

Suddenly, there came a knock.

Sounds a tad archaic and/or British. "There was a knock"?

Quote:

I heard a bunch of noise.

Huh. Is that a good construction for you? Because it isn't for me.

And right after that is were we start going into CAPSLOCK. I'm not sure you need to use them, and he's not so much shouting as emphasizing. There are two ways to deal with that that look better on the page: underlining and removing the italics that are already there, as in "Now please leave!

Also, I thought we were going for slightly more comedy in that scene, of Jazz actually walking in and not seeing Danny while she went about her business? And would he, at this point, react that calmly to the situation. He goes from furiously trying to become visible and panicking to "Oh, cool, that's interesting, I'm going to go straight back to not weirded out now and I'm not even going to question what just happened."

[Mabaroshiwoou]

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

Shouldn't this be under the Origins subfolder instead of the general Remix one?

My bad. Moved, thanks to Firefury.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

You mean "red-eyed" right?

Typo, my dear Watson.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

I like the opening scene with the weasel, though I think you may be overusing the semi-colons. They're a tricky punctuation mark, and can usually be replaced by commas.

I'll take your word for it, and I'll fix that.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

It's usually a ton of something, isn't it? You can't throw abstracts around in reality.

I thought the dirt mention just before that still held, but I'll add 'of it' for further clarification.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

It's not moving yet it's twitching. I know what you're getting at, but it's just kind of weird the way you've worded it. "Suddenly it stopped, twitching" or "it froze, tense and nervous" are possibilities but by no means the only ones.

I getcha. I'll try to put more space, and words if necessary, between those actions for clarification.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

Oooh, here's a problem we'll need to deal with: dialectal variation. There are a number of verbs in English with two different past tenses, selected based on where you live, mostly. Kneel is one of them (I'm used to "knelt"), and there's dreamed/dreamt, dived/dove, and a bunch of others I'm forgetting but you get the point. For the sake of consistency, we should choose one and stick with it for the duration of the project. I'll volunteer to make the list. (Same goes for some other stuff, but I'll point what out when it shows up.)

Another typo, actually, as I'm used to 'knelt' as well. I'll fix it.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

"That"?

Typo.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

On its own?

I imagined an invisible Danny opening the door, and as such, it would look like it was opening on its own, and tried to convey that in words. If it's too awkward, I can change it.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

Nice! Adding in some physical injuries of his accident is a nice touch.

Props to Bluemoon-basan for that suggestion. =P

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

I like that scene…

I'm glad. XD

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

Sounds a tad archaic and/or British. "There was a knock"?

Noted. I'll tweak it.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

Huh. Is that a good construction for you? Because it isn't for me.

Yes, it works for me, otherwise I'd have phrased it differently. Sorry it bugs you, I'll change it if you have a better construction in mind?

Edit: Nevermind, changed.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

And right after that is were we start going into CAPSLOCK. I'm not sure you need to use them, and he's not so much shouting as emphasizing. There are two ways to deal with that that look better on the page: underlining and removing the italics that are already there, as in "Now please leave!

Noted. Sorry, the capslock-emphasis is a habit. I'll fix it.

Kali Phantom @ January 31st, 1:26 am wrote:

Also, I thought we were going for slightly more comedy in that scene, of Jazz actually walking in and not seeing Danny while she went about her business? And would he, at this point, react that calmly to the situation. He goes from furiously trying to become visible and panicking to "Oh, cool, that's interesting, I'm going to go straight back to not weirded out now and I'm not even going to question what just happened."

Well, it originally ended with him laying his head back on the tank. Bluemoon-basan said 'add stuff' so I did, and that's all I could think of. It doesn't necessarily mean he's not still thinking about what happened, just that he's happy to see himself again, and he's trying not to act freaked out for his sister. That was my thought process, anyway. I suppose that means I should probably add more to the end of the scene...*thinks*

[Bluemoonalto]

In the bright light of morning, with my brain fully in gear, I think I can guess where we are missing a piece. There was a heck of a lot of brainstorming going on about the details of these early scenes in the main discussion thread, but this scene wasn't developed much beyond a simple, "he's invisible in the bathroom, and Jazz shows up, and then... well, you know... wacky stuff." I dumped that scene on Maba and she got stuck with filling in that very huge blank. I'm having a similar problem filling in all the conversations among the adult characters in the kitchen when Sam shows up to get help. It's nowhere near as easy as I thought it would be.

Maybe we need to take this back to the brainstorming stage. Take it to the group for ideas: Danny's invisible in the bathroom, Jazz shows us, and then...? What?

Maba, I want to give you right of first refusal at this point. Are you willing to open this to the main discussion thread, to get a lot of input (hopefully) from which to pick and choose the best material? Or would you rather keep this conversation here, controlled and specific?

One thought that occurred to me would be to have Danny fling the door open and say something like, "Look at me! What the hell is wrong with me?" And Jazz gives her best, sardonic reply: "You're fourteen years old, you should shower more often, you eat too much junk food and you spend too much time watching silly horror movies." And she's completely nonplussed, because Danny became visible again as soon as he emerged from the bathroom.

Also, I think it would be useful to keep Danny and Jazz separate a little longer, having a longer back-and-forth conversation to build up tension. (He's trapped, she's persistent, what is he going to do???)

I'm curious: at what point does Danny become invisible? I understand that he doesn't realize that he's invisible until he (doesn't) see himself in the mirror, but the "viewer" is going to see and the illustrators will need to know. Is he invisible at the moment he wakes up? Does he fade away while he walks to the bathroom? Or is he visible right up to the moment he looks up at the mirror?

One last thing: would you consider having the piercing scream of the next door neighbor be so loud that Danny wakes up in a panic, startled and disturbed? I don't know why, but I just wish your description of his awakening wasn't quite so serene.

[Kismet]

Jazz is also still "our parents are total loons and they're jeaoporadizing our childhood and social lives" stage at this point, and in hevay force. She could go on a lecture aimed at the door while Danny is ignoring her, trying to figure out what to do...

[Bluemoonalto]

Oh yes, especially since Danny was so badly hurt just one day earlier.

[Mabaroshiwoou]

Bluemoonalto @ January 31st, 10:24 am wrote:

Maba, I want to give you right of first refusal at this point. Are you willing to open this to the main discussion thread, to get a lot of input (hopefully) from which to pick and choose the best material? Or would you rather keep this conversation here, controlled and specific?

Like I said, I'm open to anything and everything. Like you said, this is a group project writing assignment, not my precious widdle fanfic. Tear it to shreds, I say. =P

Bluemoonalto @ January 31st, 10:24 am wrote:

I'm curious: at what point does Danny become invisible?

Did you notice where I said 'the covers flung back' and 'the door opened', and Kali queried 'by itself?' I was trying to imitate in text what the viewer might see: the bedsheets overlapping and the door opening with seemingly no one acting on them. XP Too subtle, I guess, huh?

Hmm...Danny waking up in a panic, good idea! *rewrites*

I've also backtracked the ending, for now, to, well, where you see it now, while I think of how to phrase your 'more Danny-Jazz-ness' ideas. I'll try and get to those ASAP.

[Goku-san]

The part where he discovers he's invisible is almost similar what I had imagined it when this was still a discussion. In my mind he was still visible when he gets out of bed and is going down the hall. If this was animated, the scene then switches to a dark bathroom. The door opens and the lights come on but there's no one there. Of course then the delayed reaction while Danny is brushing his teeth invisible and then the realization hitting resulting in him freaking out.


Remember folks, we artists have to draw this stuff. So keep that in mind when writing that we need to be able visualize what we are reading so it can be made into images.

[docarrol]

I thought we were meant to assume Danny turned invisible the first time his vision blurred, when he was sitting up in bed? Although that doesn't explain why it blurred again just before he not-noticed his not-reflection in the mirror. So maybe the blurring is what happens when you blink or close your eyes while you're invisible? ::chuckles::

Actually I think you could make "and then...wacky stuff" work.

Danny had his panic reaction, and is enjoying a moment of quiet catatonia. Since he was just brushing his teeth, he neglected to lock the door (or possibly left it standing ajar or even wide open). Jazz comes up ("Danny? Funny, I thought I heard him down here. Oh well.") and not seeing anyone, walks right in, and closes the door behind her. I think a comment on Danny being a slob for not putting his wet messy toothbrush away might be in order. Danny, well into his mental/emotional whiplash at this point, is agog that Jazz just walked in, and, in wide-eyed disbelief, is waiting for her to notice him. Cut-scene to the hall outside the door. We hear the water start. Insert onomatopoeia to suggest clothing and/or shower curtain. Beat. Scream/yell. Door flies open, then slams shut. A (conveniently timed) flash&rings, and we see Danny panting and wild-eyed standing with his back against the outside of the bathroom door. Jazz, hair wet and wearing a towel, yanks the door open behind him, causing Danny to haplessly fall backwards to the floor at her feet. Insert a tongue lashing for playing pranks.

Of course doing it that way would make it difficult to work in the exchange with a concerned Jazz.

Also, either here or later in this episode, I think it would be good to address why Danny is keeping this from Jazz at this point. I can understand why Danny might be concerned about his 'dissect 'em all' parents (although, wasn't he unconscious in the lab when that scene occurred?) But why not go to Jazz?
...But that kind of suggestion should really go in the brainstorming thread.

Other than that: Great job. Loved the delayed reaction.

docarrol

[Bluemoonalto]

Quote:

Danny had his panic reaction, and is enjoying a moment of quiet catatonia. Since he was just brushing his teeth, he neglected to lock the door (or possibly left it standing ajar or even wide open). Jazz comes up ("Danny? Funny, I thought I heard him down here. Oh well.") and not seeing anyone, walks right in, and closes the door behind her. I think a comment on Danny being a slob for not putting his wet messy toothbrush away might be in order. Danny, well into his mental/emotional whiplash at this point, is agog that Jazz just walked in, and, in wide-eyed disbelief, is waiting for her to notice him. Cut-scene to the hall outside the door. We hear the water start. Insert onomatopoeia to suggest clothing and/or shower curtain. Beat. Scream/yell. Door flies open, then slams shut. A (conveniently timed) flash&rings, and we see Danny panting and wild-eyed standing with his back against the outside of the bathroom door. Jazz, hair wet and wearing a towel, yanks the door open behind him, causing Danny to haplessly fall backwards to the floor at her feet. Insert a tongue lashing for playing pranks.

Docarrol, I really like your idea for "wacky stuff." Much more than a Jazz/Danny "I'm so concerned about you" conversation. Funny is better.

(Except for the transformation rings, which are a bit premature at this point. Not necessary for turning visible.)

Maba, do you think you could incorporate Docarrol's idea into your draft? I can see how this could pick up after Danny's crash-landing on the toilet, with very little change to the earlier part of the scene. Or would you like to kick this to somebody else?

As for the invisibility thing, I can see Goku-san's concerns about being able to illustrate the text. There are two ways to "show" invisibility: either complete absence of image, or a clear outline that the viewer can see but the characters cannot. With the absence of image, the door opening by itself stuff would not work in a still picture; with the clear outline, the door opening by itself stuff would not look very impressive. I'm reminded of that moment in Maternal Instincts when Danny turned clear-outline invisible and Tucker and Sam had to say, "Danny? Where are you?" to tell the viewers that they couldn't see him. The dialogue did the job, but it was lame.

For maximum impact, I'd prefer to keep Danny visible as he wakes up and gets out of bed, luring the reader/viewer into a false expectation that the scene is going to be about how much he remembers and how much he hurts. Then take him into the bathroom and show that toothbrush floating in a cloud of toothpaste suds, and bang! You've got an image with some impact.

That said, I don't think it's necessary to change the text at all. We're in Danny's POV, so we don't "see" the invisibility until he does-- which means it's entirely appropriate for the reader to think, "Hey! When did that happen?" Danny didn't notice the exact moment he disappeared, so the reader didn't either. I'm not sure how many pictures the illustrators will want to make, but it could be as simple as one image of him waking up in a panic (visible) and the next of the floating toothbrush.

If I had to storyboard it, I would have him visible as he gets out of bed, then switch to a POV sequence of him approaching the bathroom door, the door opening, and the toothbrush and toothpaste tube floating into position, panning up to the "empty" image in the mirror. Then cut to clear-outline Danny panicking. (God, I hope I used the terminology correctly. POV means that the camera sees what Danny sees but doesn't see him. Right?)

[Goku-san]

Quote:

There came another knock, jolting the boy upright. "Are you done?"

"Y-Yeah..."
"Well, could you come out, please? I'd like to talk to you..."
"Uh...in a minute!"

A minute passed more quickly than he had ever experienced before. He flinched as Jazz persisted.

"Danny, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Jazz!"

He clutched his head in his hands, cringing. What am I gonna do?

my friend actually had a suggestion for what happens next which is really amusing.

Quote:

Danny: "... Great. Now I'm stuck." *puts his head back on the tank*
(can insert Jazz trying to get in here)
Danny: "Can I somehow get out of this?" (he can be referencing to both Jazz bugging him and being stuck in the toilet, literally)
*Danny's intangibility kicks in and he falls through the toilet.... and well... through the 2nd floor as well*

Danny stuck in the toilet after falling into it just cracked me up. XD He'd have a wet bottom..XD

[Mabaroshiwoou]

Ha! Well, normally I'm not a fan of bathroom humor, but I guess since we've already gone there — literally — why not?

*makes a note*

[vaporeone]

Alright, let’s see… since I don’t wanna work on homework entirely and my brain works better on fatigue… and before I forget my intense conversation with Goku-san about this scene…
Forgive me if I sound too overly critical or anything, I’m trying my best not to sound as such or belittling anyone…

Regarding the weasel:

Quote:

Suddenly, it froze, then twitched, and ran off.

Yeah, I noticed the same nitpick as well.
My interpretation is pretty much what people imagine small mammals to act like, especially rodents (of course, weasels aren’t rodents from quick research).
To explain it simply for an artist to interpret, it would be that the weasel is burrowing, it sticks its head up out of its hole, holding its neck and head high, forearms down, and twitches its nose and whiskers. Maybe an ear. Who knows. But that feels realistic if you want to take off the animal world, then it sprints away. How you worded it makes it sound like the whole body of the animal flinched/twitched.

Suggestion concerning Danny walking down the hall:

Quote:

The door opened, and Danny continued on down the hall toward the bathroom. In addition to feeling flu-like with stiffness and aches, his mouth was dry, and a terrible bitter taste lingered.

Notes for an artist to render this scene visually, there could possibly be some dialogue of Danny muttering about how he has to go to school, get picked on by Dash, though it feels like he’s already had multiple wailings on him despite not having gone to school yet. He needs to be hunched over slightly possibly, and at least rubbing his back, shoulder, or other arm, so that we can visibly see that he is hurting. Dialogue + action has a great impact in any visual format.

Notes to artists on the scene of Danny’s realization:

Quote:

He inhaled some of the minty foam with a shrill gasp, violently spraying the faucet with the rest…

It’s impossible showing that he inhaled the foam unless you exaggerate. Just a split second of anticipation, then reaction.
By the way, spraying the faucet? Just wondering if you really meant the faucet part, not the sink/washbowl area…

Suggestion for the stumbling back onto the toilet:

Quote:

…dropping the brush and stumbling backward, slamming his back up against the porcelain tank. He sat for several moments, breathing audibly, his mind numb, staring at the sink and the mirror, the latter which still refused to reflect his image.

Thank you, Goku-san, for submitting in your last post my idea.
I’ve been feeling way too much gloom come out of this entire “episode”. It’s hard for me to recall any episode of DP without even the slightest of humor. Anyways…
Now for my logical explanation for this suggestion. I tend to hear complaints about the bathroom whether the lid and seat are up or down. And since Danny’s a guy, the seat will most likely be up. Therefore, when he stumbles back and loses his balance when he trips backward over the commode, he goes PLOP into the toilet bowl. He attempts to pull himself out… but… Jazz knocks on the door. (continue scene)

Suggestion/Note on dialogue/thought:

Quote:

“I’m on the toilet!” he finally shouted back. Well, it wasn’t a lie.

My tweak is about the “Well, it wasn’t a lie.” sentence. It works in literature, but when putting into any sort of visual, it may be more of an aside or Danny’s thoughts.

Suggestion – continuation of toilet predicament:

Quote:

It was quiet again. The boy let out a long sigh, slouching, laying his head back on the top of the tank for a moment, closing his eyes.

…. (continue scene….)

He clutched his head in his hands, cringing. What am I gonna do?

I don’t know where you can squeeze this in but…
As Goku-san posted my RP style format in her post… let me elaborate in a more author-like way.

Quote:

… I’m stuck. Danny starts to lift himself from the bowl, but cannot summon the strength from his aching muscles. The thought of sitting in the toilet was making him nauseous. I just hope that no one forgot to flush the toilet… Man… Someone get me out of this.

As though his wish had been granted, he felt himself being pulled down. His heart hammered in his chest, feeling gravity tug him downwards through the toilet… and through the second floor. He grit his teeth as his back painfully came in contact with the first floor.

Of course, I don’t really know where I’m going with that since I don’t know what happens after this to connect it to. So while Danny’s having a heart attack, readers/viewers may still somewhat get a kick/laugh out of the predicament Danny falls – quite literally – into.
There’s a slight play on words, as Danny thinks, ‘someone get me out of this’, he can either be referencing to the situation with Jazz, his bum stuck in the toilet, or even both.

I also have a theory that I’m not quite sure other fans have picked up on as I’ve read the little bits of story you all have written. In Mystery Meat, it appears that Danny’s powers are triggered by emotion, if I remember correctly. If he’s feeling really down, angry, panicky, etc, an extreme form of it, one of his powers tends to kick in.
The first experience would be the hallway. As he’s walking to the bathroom, he’s groaning about going to school. Therefore, his body may interpret it as “to avoid” is to go invisible. Thus, why he is invisible when he looks into the mirror.
Second experience is in (yes, in, not 'on') the toilet. He wants to get out of the situation in really bad as Jazz is pressuring him, and his body refuses to give him the strength he needs to pull himself out of the toilet. His powers/body interprets his will to ‘escape’ a trigger of the power to go intangible.
Of course, his powers shouldn’t kick in all the time (as Goku-san told me during the chat). She mentioned later that Danny should get shoved into a locker and his powers fail to rescue him, but I think that’s outside this scene’s boundaries/cut of this scene.

Just my slice of pie. Or cake. However you see it.
There's prolly more I could've said since I read the other posts in the thread, but from my lack of sleep, I just wanted to go over the initial post, then if my ideas aren't bashed, I'll try speaking up a more.
I hope I helped somehow.

... My, that was a very long winded speech.