Writer Tryouts
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Firefury Amahira
Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 1727
Location: A land of fires, floods, and earthquakes
Favorite character: Dan
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 Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:42 am |
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Okay, as has been suggested, since the artists need to strut their stuff, the writers should get some creative exercise before we officially get Remix underway, too! :D That said, this is the thread for our writer types to show off samples of their own works as well as tackle some tryout exercises. After all, it's one thing to write a story entirely yourself, based on your ideas and outlines. It's another entirely to write a story based on a general outline generated by somebody else!
That said, read on for information and ideas!
For practice/showoff:
Recommendations:
1.- Simply copy/paste a snippet (no more than about a page, please) of an existing fanfic you've done.
Format:
PUT STORY SNIPPETS INTO THE QUOTE TAGS!
2.- Try and novelize a scene from the show. This is especially good practice for writing actions and fight scenes. The dialogue can easily be taken straight from whatever episode you're watching; but as the writer, it's up to you to try and narrate the actions and expressions and body language of the characters in a way that is entertaining to read.
For instance, a line like this is pretty dull:
Quote: Skulker shot Danny and he hit the wall.
But you can take something like that and spruce it up with a little dramatic language:
Quote: Skulker's blaster locked onto Danny, and with a smug grin the hunter fired at his half-ghost prey. Danny tried to dodge, but he was too slow and took the bright energy beam full on; the force of the impact sending the teen slamming hard against the far wall.
TRYOUTS: (DONT DO THESE YET TILL WE HAVE STEVE MARMEL'S NOTES)
(Round 1 scene to be outlined and posted... um... later!)
Will consist of:
- Round 1: A general scene will be outlined for everybody to take a shot at. While you're encouraged to expand on the outline and develop it, remember that it still needs to follow that outline!
- Round 2: Each writer will be given a unique scene outline to write. This way we can get a good read on how our different writers all work from the same outline, but we can still make sure people aren't just copying eachother!
All skill levels are accepted- remember that everybody's work is going to go through editting and revisions and that while each episode of Remix is going to be mostly written by just one or two of our writers, it's going to be reviewed, editted, and revisions suggested by several other writers and/or edittors!
Good luck, everybody, and have fun! |
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Mabaroshiwoou
Elite Member
Joined: 02 Feb 2007
Posts: 7031
Location: A little bit of everywhere...
Favorite character: Butch Hartman~!
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| Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 2:21 am |
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Well, here is my fanfic snippet:
| QUOTE (Danny Phantom Savers ~ Preface) | It was a warm day, though cool by Southern Californian standards. Vlad Masters lingered in his tastefully ostentatious dressing room, which had become increasingly more of a drawing room since D-Stabilized had wrapped, and his next appearance was, as yet, uncertain at best. In the sudden flood of spare time, he’d taken to reading books, as the scripts, especially of late, he so often quipped “had all the intelligence and richness of a sticky note.” His current investment was Rushdie’s infamous Satanic Verses, which he now sat attentively scanning. On page 212, he came upon a particularly intriguing paragraph:
Exile is a dream of glorious return. Exile is a vision of revolution; Elba, not St. Helena. It is an endless paradox: looking forward by always looking back. The exile is a ball hurled high into the air. He hangs there, frozen in time, translated into a photograph; denied motion, suspended impossibly above his native earth, he awaits the inevitable moment at which the photograph must begin to move, and the earth reclaim its own.
Vlad silently mulled over the notion. He’d heard rumors of his character dropping from the show, and glimpsed the tentative ‘omega’ script Hartman had scratched up in which his character had gotten the unceremonious axe. With the previous bourgeoisie effectively removed from the equation, the episode wasn’t inevitable. Unfortunately, it was currently the only completed, useable plot on hand. There’d been talk of ‘filming it anyway’, ‘feeling it out’ — Vlad had quite vocally and quite visibly refused. “No! I’ve been mangled enough as it is by the latest troop of typewriter monkeys you insisted on hiring! I’m not about to become the ultimate bad movie cliché and bow out with a horseshoe on my head!” Thankfully, Butch had understood on some level, and slid Phantom Planet back into a drawer where it had gathered a good layer of dust.
...and here is my novelization of a scene from the show, which coincidentally is also from a fanfic of mine (I've made a few tweaks and snips to make it canon >.>):
| QUOTE (Memory Blank) | Sam stood at the fountain’s edge. Arms folded, brows furrowed. “…you think Paulina would’ve saved your butt back there?”
Danny rose, fists at his hips, brows lowered also. “She would if she wanted me to come to her party!”
Sam sighed sharply, wincing, hands at her sides balling into fists. “Danny, I SWEAR…” she walked over to the moped, stepping up onto it and grabbing the handles; looking over her shoulder, “…there are days I wish I’d never even MET you!” She peeled away.
Danny’s frame drooped, and he looked away. “Way to go, Fenton…” he muttered; he looked in the opposite direction, “you just ticked off one of the only two –” he raised his arms out in front of him palms upturned and outstretched, “REAL friends you have!” Letting his arms drop, he paused, and pulled out the now soaked party invitation. He scanned it once more; then lowered it, looking out. “Sam? …wait!”
The boy’s breath snaked out in a visible wisp. He turned his head; then pivoted around, staring down at the strange pink bubbles that now appeared on the water. In seconds, thick pink smoke rose into the air, forming into the long-haired, ample-bosomed woman, who laughed maniacally. Looking down with furrowed brows, she declared, “FINALLY…!”
“Desiree…?!” Danny said, “You look –” with a flash, he transformed, “different!”
“More powerful?” the woman queried, then added, “Why…YES!” She clasped her hands together, face in a large grin. “The more wishes I grant –” she swept her arms out and back, then drew them in, hands in fists, “the more powerful I GET!” She chuckled, and went on, “Oh, and only days away from the meteor shower where EVERYBODY will be making wishes!” She cackled again, raising an arm.
Suddenly, her tail flicked into the fountain, wrapping around Danny, pinning his arms to his sides. The boy grunted, wincing. Now she flung him toward the sidewalk. He cried out as he bounced and skidded, coming to rest on his stomach. Laying one hand flat on the ground, he looked up with wide eyes. “What do you WANT?” he asked.
“YOU out of the way by Friday night,” she replied, then leaned down in his face, with a wicked grin, “but it’s not about what I want…it’s about what your little friend wants! ...and she just wished she’d never MET you!” the woman pronounced with a screech.
“Oh…” Danny grunted, lids drooped; “Oh NO…!” he repeated, eyes widening.
“…and so she has WISHED it –” she swept an arm back, then rose, turned, “…and SO IT SHALL BE!” thrusting her arm out and down, a pink beam zapping from her hand.[/quote:55db3ce31c]
...I realize I overused the word 'grin'. >.<; Oh well. -.-; |
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Bluemoonalto
Moderator
Joined: 04 Feb 2007
Posts: 498
Favorite character: Tucker
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| Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:11 am |
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Here's the opening of The Foley Maneuver, which is probably the one story I've written that comes closest to being episode-like. (I'd have used some dialogue from A Thermos for Valerie, but that story's in first-person POV which is probably not suitable at all.)
Quote: Right in the middle of a battle is no time to take a phone call, Tucker thought, as he swung the Thermos into position to snare yet another target. This would be the eleventh weasel-shaped ghost the three of them had managed to capture in about ten minutes; a pretty impressive tally considering there had only been six weasels at the beginning of the fight. But Tucker was trapping them as fast as Danny could fling them away, and a quick glance at his beleaguered friend showed that there were at least a dozen more to go. It was impossible to get an exact count as the sinuous weasels were swarmed all around Danny, writhing and wiggling and winding in a blurred mass around legs, waist and neck, pausing only to snap at his fingers or claw at his belly as he frantically tried to grab the slippery creatures by a tail or a leg. Their keening cries rose and fell in an undulating drone, occasionally punctuated by a frustrated “Get off of me!” from Danny.
The phone went silent as the voice mail kicked in, but seconds later it rang again. From the ring tone (“That boy needs therapy”) he knew the caller was Jazz; Frontier Psychiatrist seemed a very odd yet somehow appropriate soundtrack for the fight.
“Tucker, will you just talk to her?” Sam was short-tempered, anxious for Danny’s safety and frustrated that she had so few targets for her Jack o’ Ninetails.
“I’m kind of busy right now,” he snapped back. To be truthful, at the moment he was doing little more than watch the carnage. It wasn’t safe to use the Thermos within a thirty degree arc of Danny’s position during a fight, which meant that he had to wait for Danny to hurl the critters away before he could trap them.
“Right. And that’s the third time she’s called, which means she’s not going to give up. So just answer the phone already or I’m gonna smash it!” She flicked the whip playfully in Tucker’s direction, though they both knew he was safely just a few feet out of range—positioned just as they had practiced in their many covert training sessions.
Only fifteen minutes had passed since they had first discovered the six ghostly creatures in the park, tormenting the little kids at the playground after school. Sam and Tucker had been content (and a little bit amused) to watch Danny take them on. Sam had even expressed a little concern for the ghosts’ well-being, as they seemed to be nothing but dumb animals—and rather cute ones, at that. They were a little on the large side for weasels, but had that distinctive long, sinewy shape with the delicate face and sharp nose, as well as soft green fur and beady little red eyes. Stoats, maybe, or martens—or maybe just some kind of ghost creature that didn’t have any earthly counterpart. Danny had even laughed at their playful antics as he took to the air, intending to round them up and Thermos them quickly with as little violence as possible.
Unfortunately, the weasels had a different agenda.
In less than two minutes Danny had to toss his Thermos down to Sam so he could have both hands free to fight the nasty little savages. Tucker covered her at close quarters with his lipstick-shaped mini-blaster while Danny fired frantically at the little weasels overhead. Sam quickly captured three of them but the number of available targets seemed to grow exponentially with each passing minute and Danny was soon overwhelmed within a wriggling horde of biting, clawing vermin.
I have a couple of scenes from Shades of Gray that I used as bookends for Fake-Out Break-Up, but they're told from Tucker's POV with lots of extra thoughts that weren't obvious on-screen. Probably not the right sort of narrative for this exercise. I'll have to work on that, then. |
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Bluemoonalto
My Danny Phantom Website: Essays, Fanfic, Episode Reviews and Nitpicks
www.geocities.com/bluemoonalto |
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KnitChick
Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 175
Location: Chicagoland
Favorite character: Danielle
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| Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 7:47 am |
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Wow, those are amazing pieces Mabaroshiwoou and Bluemoonalto!
Well here is a snippet of one of the most coherent and put together scenes from my fanfic-in-eternal-progress of Danny's college years (I've been bouncing around the timeline and working in snippets of the story since the plot bunny bit me in March).
To give a bit of background, Lenora is a civil service employee at Danny's school and Danny works as her student aide. His parents have built a Fenton Portal for the school and the Parapsychology dept chose Len to walk into the Portal at the ribbon cutting ceremony.
Quote: “Now, I'd like to introduce a very special student in our department, Lenora MacKenzie. She not only is a Dean List student in the Parapsychology department, she works full time in the University for the Communications, Media and Theatre department. We have selected her to have the privilege of being the first to enter the portal,” Cosmo said.
Len shot a last glance at Danny and stood up. She approached the podium and fixed her eyes on the clock on the back wall instead of looking at the audience. “Thank you, Dr. Montana. I am very honored to have the privilege of working with Mr. & Mrs. Fenton these last months during the portal's construction. Even more so I have been chosen to have the honor of being the first Northeastern student to enter the Ghost Zone, and I am very grateful to Dr. Montana, the Parapsychology department, and most of all the Fentons for this great opportunity. Um...I guess it's time to turn it on, then.” Len backed away from the podium and caught a thumbs up from Danny as she faced the portal.
Cosmo moved the podium to one side to allow the audience a better view of the empty portal. Jack pulled a switch on the console...and his face fell when nothing happened.
“Perhaps the switch inside has to be flipped,” Maddie suggested. “Lenora, dear, you do the honors.”
Len nodded, not trusting her voice, as her usual stage fright butterflies had returned in force. She quickly glanced over her shoulder and saw Danny's reassuring smile. Taking a deep breath, she entered the portal. There was a small panel, midway into the deep opening, with two buttons labeled 'on' and 'off'. “Here goes everything....” Len muttered to herself, stabbing the on button with her finger and closing her eyes.
It felt like a tsunami of energy was coursing through her body. Len heard a scream as if it was in the distance, but quickly realized *she* was the one screaming. She fell to her knees, bent double with pain.
Outside the portal, everyone saw the flash of light and cheered. Those cheers quickly faded when Len started screaming. Cosmo quickly moved the podium back in front of the portal to block everyone's view.
“I'm pulling the plug,” Jack declared.
“No, Dad, that might do more damage!” Danny said.
“But leaving her in there won't?” Maddie asked.
The bright light faded to an ecto-green. Looking in the portal, Danny saw Len collapse. He pushed past his parents and ran into the portal, picking up Len and carrying her out. As planned, he headed for the classroom next door, which connected to the portal room by a doorway partly hidden behind the console.
Jazz jumped up and ran after Danny, her parents close on her heels. Cosmo pushed the button to shut the protective doors over the portal and stepped up to the podium. “Um, I am sure Miss MacKenzie is fine, if you will all please leave in an orderly fashion...” Still numb from what they had just witnessed, the audience didn't protest as they filed out.
Meanwhile, Danny had carefully laid Len on the floor in a corner of the classroom. She was unconscious, but he felt her neck and was able to find a pulse. He brushed aside a clump of now-white hair that had fallen across her face and felt her forehead – a little colder than what would be normal for a human, but just about where his normal body temperature was.
I will try novelizing a scene from the show a bit later, it's late and I'm still inking a little comic scene I sketched out tonight ^_^ |
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Raven Lord
Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Posts: 44
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| Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 4:47 pm |
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1. Scene from an old fanfic
| QUOTE (Just after Danny saves Jack from the bad guy - The Dark Angel) | A rumbling sound put them both on edge, and Danny fought his way to his feet. The world went dim again, but he fought it off. They exchanged glances; neither of them was in any condition for a rematch with Angel. Fortunately, it was the Fenton RV that came careening into view this time.
“Jack!” Maddie exclaimed as she threw herself from the car. “Are you hurt?”
“Oh, gross!” Danny exclaimed as they met each other halfway to greet in the manner of spouses everywhere.
“Yeah, I’m alright,” Jack responded quietly. He gestured at Danny. “The ghost kid saved me. For some reason.”
The ghost kid in question grinned in what he hoped was a friendly manner as the two ghost hunters regarded him with mixed feelings. Maddie looked at her husband, then back at her son. Finally, she sighed. “Well, I suppose the least we can do is patch you up,” she admitted. Jack leaned against the hood of the RV while his wife got the first aid kit out of the glove compartment.
Danny cautiously moved forward at her beckons. He felt like a stray cat that was trying to make up its mind whether or not to trust some humans. They were his parents; he shouldn’t have to feel like he couldn’t trust them. But they were also ghost hunters, and as far as they knew, he was just a ghost. He held still, ready to go intangible and run at a moment’s notice.
Maddie couldn’t help a smirk at the ghost boy’s obvious fear. It was just ironic for the ghost to be scared of humans when it was normally the other way around. And it was nice to know they were feared among the ghost community. “You know,” she began and had to repress a chuckle as Danny flinched. “My son got hurt in this exact spot yesterday.”
“Oh, wow, that's fascinating,” Danny replied a bit too quickly. His parents, justifiably misreading his response, shared an amused look. He backed quickly away and floated into the air when Maddie was finished. He did not like this feeling at all, and the little voice in his head that said to just tell them was very difficult to resist. But he couldn’t tell them. Not now, and not like this. There were more pressing things to worry about. He jumped as someone called his name and turned his attention back to his parents.
Maddie was looking decidedly unhappy; Jack stood like a man with a purpose. He must have managed to convince his wife that it would not be good for him to go home. “Listen up, ghost kid,” he said, an unnecessary command as he had Danny’s undivided attention. “I don’t trust you, and you don’t trust me. But since you seem so interested in helping me, I’ll accept.” This last bit was said as though it caused him great pain to get the words out.
Danny started to respond, but Maddie cut him off. “And if I find that you have hurt Jack in any way, I will rip you apart molecule by molecule!”
2. Scene from the cartoon
| QUOTE (Opening of the cafeteria scene - Prisoners of Love) | He wondered where they were taking him, first. There was fear there; he had been captured by ghosts and was being held against his will. From what he could see, there was no hope of escape, at least for now. There were just too many of them. So there was definitely fear, but also annoyance. He was fourteen, and the universe still revolved around him. And he had super powers, which, despite all responsibilities and short-comings, only helped to convince him that nothing really bad could ever happen. Not really.
He was fourteen, and still convinced of his immortality.
He wondered how Sam and Tucker were doing and hoped they didn’t try to rescue him. Two kids against several dozen armed ghosts? He’d end up having to rescue them, he was sure.
He wondered what Jazz would think when he didn’t come home. He wondered what his parents would think when thy got back to find him gone. He wondered if Sam and Tucker would tell his secret, or just let his parents worry. Maybe they’d come rescue him, then.
Then the guard said, “Chow time!” and shoved him forcefully in the back, and he put those thoughts away to survey his surroundings. It reminded him, rather strangely, of Casper High’s cafeteria. Sure, there were ghostly COs lining the edge of a balcony halfway up the wall, and the room itself glowed with a phantasmal light. But other than that, there was the popular crowd, and there were the jocks, and all of them glaring at the newcomer who’d dared to wander into their midst. And there-
Oh, no. And there was Skulker, Technus, and Desiree, all sitting at the table right in front of him.
And the Box Ghost, but he hardly counted.
And of course, they had seen him, and they did recognize him, and they were glaring, and…
He grinned apologetically, sheepishly, and muttered, “Wow, pretty much everyone who hates me all at one table. Just like high school.”[/quote:8497e2e5ed] |
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Ducks_own
Joined: 02 Sep 2007
Posts: 53
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| Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:28 am |
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Need it be DP? I have a lord of the flies work... |
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Signatures need not be handwritten anymore, I guess. |
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Firefury Amahira
Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 1727
Location: A land of fires, floods, and earthquakes
Favorite character: Dan
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| Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:30 am |
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Well, as just a sample of your writing, any fanfic DP or otherwise is fine. But I still suggest the novelizing a DP scene as a creative exercise ^^; |
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~Firefury Amahira |
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Ducks_own
Joined: 02 Sep 2007
Posts: 53
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| Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:59 am |
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Quote: The rays of sunlight flooded the house, an onslaught of light which filled every corner of the Middlesbrough apartment. Ralph squinted as the light struck his eyes, he knew today was the day. That special day of the year when he and a select group of followers would take the trek to neighboring Newcastle, to wage war on their football team and it’s disciples at St. James park. The inspiration of such an undertaking was enough to coax Ralph out of his bed and into the kitchen. Ralph seldom complained about his constricted apartment or his nearly empty cupboards. Compared to the island of his past his minuscule quarters were an opulent palace fit fir a king.
After eating a little bowl of cereal Ralph returned to his room and dressed in his battle attire; His Middlesbrough scarf and more importantly, the Middlesbrough jersey, a prestigious garment representing decades of world class football. Unlike some of his fellow fans Ralph refused to paint his face, reminiscent of the ritual of savages in pursuit of blood on the island. After a few final preparations Ralph left his apartment and met up with his friends, all anxiously awaiting the pending confrontation. The group rented a bus which was slightly rusted almost as if to drape itself in the Middlesbrough team colours. The fans crammed into the bus in a frantic manner, ecstatically cheering as the bus began its voyage to the battlefield.
The bus ride was a relatively uneventful one until the bus crept into the hostile Newastle territory. It was then that a group of hooligans in the Newcastle colours black and white shouted insults at the supporters proudly waving their Middlesbrough flags and scarves out the windows of the bus. After a few minutes of jeers and insults being hurled at them like rocks, the bus accelerated and darted past the local fans, their slurs almost inaudible to the passengers inside. Just then the bus reached it’s destination and came to a screeching halt amid the grand congregation of cars and people all rushing to the entrance of the giant stadium. Ralph and the others vacated the bus and entered a raging sea of black and white.
That's half of it... Maybe I'll have a go at writing out a scene. |
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Signatures need not be handwritten anymore, I guess. |
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Bluemoonalto
Moderator
Joined: 04 Feb 2007
Posts: 498
Favorite character: Tucker
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| Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 2:03 am |
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You know, transcribing a scene was harder than I thought it would be. I couldn't help but add some thoughts and introspection, because it seemed bare without it. So I have embellished the scene (from the teaser of Million Dollar Ghost) just a little. I chose that scene because it was pure action (a weakness of mine) and involved describing a rather large monster (another weakness).
Just out of curiosity, how much of the responsibility for describing a monster falls on the writer, and how much can be left to the artists' imagination? For example, I mentioned that Behemoth is purple and red, but I didn't spell out which parts of its body were which color. I just couldn't see bringing a narrative to a screeching halt while I describe every little detail of the monster. It's a difficult balance to find!
Quote: After an exhausting search that occupied his every spare moment for months, Vlad Plasmius found what he was looking for floating innocently in a deceptively vacant region of the Ghost Zone that was only a few moments’ flight from his own Portal.
Who knew?
And there it was, bobbing along gently on one of those mysterious currents of energy, delicately resting on a pillow placed on a decorative pedestal within in a tall, red crystal case. It was a suitable display for such a rare treasure: an old-fashioned green key, about ten inches long, its handle cast in the shape of a skull. Vlad’s voice was nearly purring with pleasure. “Ah, there you are: the legendary Skeleton Key. With this, I can open any door, travel to any realm, free any prisoner.”
His excitement was hardly dimmed by the burst of purple light that heralded the arrival of the Key’s guardian. He had been expecting nothing less, so there was a note of light sarcasm in his voice as he observed, “And the only thing standing between me and that....”
The Behemoth popped into existence about halfway between Vlad and his goal, a furry abomination in purple and red about the size of a mastodon. From his research Vlad knew that the creature was not a true ghost but a construct, designed by the Skeleton Key’s creators to guard it through all eternity. But Vlad was not at all impressed by their handiwork. Behemoth was so large it bordered on corpulent, its head and torso shaped vaguely like a gorilla’s. Its four broad, hairy arms ended in pudgy little fingers and stubby claws that were nonetheless quite sharp at their points. Vlad made careful note of those claws. Below the chest, the creature’s body was simply a long, snake-like tail that seemed far too thick and heavy to be of much use. It lacked any sort of armament, and the look in its beady little eyes hinted at a complete lack of intelligence. It did, however, have a full set of massive canine teeth; Vlad made a mental note to stay away from the creature’s face.
Vlad had barely enough time to register this information for future use as the stupid creature brought its upper pair of enormous hands together in a resounding clap, obviously intending to crush him between its leathery palms. Vlad made no effort to avoid the attack, simply waiting to go intangible just a fraction of a second before impact, phasing through the hands and darting invisibly to a position about ten yards away. He hovered there and carefully watched the expression on Behemoth’s vacuous face as it slowly realized that its quarry had escaped; its pride eventually melting into puzzlement as it stared dumbfounded at its empty hands.
Vlad became visible again, smiling eagerly at the impending battle, and cocked one condescending eyebrow at the creature.
By way of response, Behemoth opened his enormous maw and let out a bellowing roar, accompanied by a blast of foul-smelling purple ectoplasm. But Vlad was prepared for that too, and casually swept one hand across his body, forming his own pink-tinged energy into an impenetrable surface that shielded him completely. He floated safely behind the Vlad-sized rectangular shield, smiling smugly as Behemoth’s poisonous breath raged around him.
Vlad allowed his shield to dissipate as soon as the storm faded, but Behemoth moved faster than expected, snatching him tightly in a two-handed fist. But Vlad simply laughed, “This is going to be a snap!” and teleported away, leaving the monster to again stare stupidly at its empty hands. Vlad reappeared about six feet lower, right beside the monster’s vulnerable, tender belly, where he landed an uppercut punch backed by a ball of pure ectoplasmic power, sending Behemoth soaring.
It took several long seconds for the big, dumb creature to halt its flight and return to the scene of the soon-to-be crime. Vlad took advantage of the monster’s absence to duplicate himself; when the monster finally lumbered back there were four Plasmiuses waiting for him. One duplicate charged his power through his hands, another prepared a blast from his deep red eyes, the third manifested a glowing ectoplasmic rope in the form of a lasso. All three effortlessly coordinated their attacks in order to restrain and weaken the beast while the real Plasmius swept in to snatch the prize.
And snatch it, he would! He swooped around to Behemoth’s left while it was occupied struggling a three-Plasmius attack, listening to its frustrated roars as a smile of triumph played across his face. He rapidly closed the distance... thirty yards... twenty... ten... five....
WHACK!
Behemoth had broken free, turned an improbably back flip and swung that massive tail around like a six-ton whip. Vlad took the full force of the blow and was thrown backwards in an uncontrolled tumble that took him right back through his own Portal to crash land in his secret lab at the base of the opposite wall. Less than a second later his three defeated duplicates came flying back through the Portal as well, moaning with pain as they merged back into his form. Right behind them came Behemoth itself, or at least its colossal head squeezed through the Portal as far as it could go. Nearly stuck in the passage like a cork in a bottle, it snarled with frustration and defiance; Vlad ignored his pains in order to struggle to his feet and meet it with an equal measure of fury.
“Very well, Behemoth. No more Mister Nice Plasmius.” He lowered his head like a bull in the ring, charged both hands with enough energy to bring down a small office building, and marched forward to meet his opponent face to gigantic face. |
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Bluemoonalto
My Danny Phantom Website: Essays, Fanfic, Episode Reviews and Nitpicks
www.geocities.com/bluemoonalto |
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Darth-Frodo
Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 94
Location: ASU
Favorite character: Danny!
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| Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:31 am |
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Do we have any deadlines? I mean of course I'm going to work on it as soon as possible, but it being Labor Day weekend and all my teachers always see it fit to cram me with more homework seeing as they're missing a lecture day... So yeah, deadline? |
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"The long game was ended, the Snitch had been caught, it was time to leave the air..." ~Deathly Hallows, 698 |
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Firefury Amahira
Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 1727
Location: A land of fires, floods, and earthquakes
Favorite character: Dan
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| Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:39 am |
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Nah, no deadlines XD This is all volunteer after all! |
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Darth-Frodo
Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 94
Location: ASU
Favorite character: Danny!
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| Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 8:28 am |
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I have to first say that I'm honored to be working beside such wonderful authors. I've read all your submissions and I have to say that it looks like we have a phenomenal group just from what I've seen posted up here, and I know it can only get better! I can only hope that mine won't tarnish the wonderful reputation that's been established...
Anywho, here's my scene rewrite. It's the scene from The Ultimate Enemy where Danny just sucks Dan into the thermos and watches what he thinks is the death of his family, stopping just before Clockwork freezes time. A challenging and angsty scene I know, but I hope I did it justice. I know I embellished a bit...>.>
Quote: He had fought many painful battles, rescued many endangered people, captured many threatening ghosts, but never did he feel such a sense of glorious accomplishment as he did now as he capped his trusty thermos, signifying the triumphant end of his most difficult battle. And while his face bore the evidence of painful exhaustion, he still glowed with triumph.
He had beaten back his own future to save his present.
Or so he thought.
Immediately his thoughts of victory and success vanished like stars in the wake of morning, remembering all too clearly the terrifying predicament of his current situation. He whirled about, gazing in horror at his family and friends, still strapped to the quaking and bubbling vats of Nasty Sauce. His wide blue eyes fell on the warning dial, watching it extend far over the dangerous red as the glass cracked and buckled before bursting.
“Oh no,” he gasped, watching in horror as the vats began to steam and crack, violent tremors shaking through the large metal. And his family was still tied to it.
He shoved aside his numbing shock and jumped up, dashing towards them desperately. His heart hammered painfully against his ribs in horrified anticipation, willing his exhausted legs on further and faster. He had to make it, had to close the distance in time. He couldn’t bear handling the pain and guilt if he left them to die in the grotesque explosion that was bound to occur any second. He knew what would happen if he didn’t, knew the measure of agony and heartbreak he would feel. It was what caused his turn, created the demented monster he had just locked into the thermos, created the despair so great that he wanted his emotions pulled from himself to end the sorrow. He needed to save them.
But he couldn’t. He could see it now. He wasn’t going to make it simply running. The pleading looks of his bound family bored into him as he ran and he summed up what energy he had left, feeling the satisfactory band of icy cold around his waist. He almost dared to smile as he felt the glorious rise of hope within him, knowing that now he could have a chance. He could save them. But just as quickly as his hope came it was brutally crushed, dissolving just fast as the glowing ring of saving light around his waist, leaving him bare and hopelessly desolate.
“I can’t go ghost!” he cried out in frustrated agony, hoping that by admitting it he could maybe find a shred of energy within him, some hidden dedication that could give him the final push. But nothing came and he realized only too late that he was already throwing everything he had into saving them…and it wasn’t enough.
And he screamed. What he screamed was barely intelligible but the feeling, the desolation, the horror, the hopelessness, was perfectly clear. It was a wail of utter anguish and despair, not so unlike the destructive ghostly wail he had used to capture the monster responsible for this. It was a sound none of the entrapped family had ever heard from him before, and one they never cared to, for it just about ripped their hearts in two as all Danny’s pent up feelings of misery and failure made themselves vocal in the light of his ruthlessly crushed hope.
And then, as if fate were intent to spit in his pained face, he felt a sharp, aching jolt as his toes crashed into a rock, pitching him headfirst towards the ground.
He was too late. He could feel it in his tormented heart. Even if he could somehow manage to get up and keep running he’d never make it in time. They were just mere seconds away from catastrophe and all he could do now was look, look upon his family for the last time, meeting the eyes of every single one of them.
His mind rushed with all the things he never said, all the things he never did with the ones he loved. So many unsaid declarations of love, so many goals left unfulfilled, so many conversations never had, so many regrets…
He never explained his secret to his family, never told them why he didn’t trust them with it, and now they would take that believed mistrust to their grave…
He never showed Lancer that he really did care about his studies, that he was the student he had hoped to be teaching, and now he would go down thinking of him as a failure…
He never told his sister how much she had meant to him, how she had been his best friend through so much no matter how annoying, and now he never would be able to tell her…
He never thanked Tucker for all that he did, for all that be put up with being the best friend of a superhero, and now he had to die for it…
He never told Sam that he loved her, never told her of the undying love he had felt for her since he realized the attractiveness of the opposite gender, and now he would never know how she felt in return…
He met their eyes, taking a last, longing look at every single one of them one last time before stars exploded in his eyes as everyone he knew and loved disappeared in the monstrous explosion. Bits of shrapnel and what he hoped was just nasty sauce dispersed through the air, rocketing towards him as the force threw him off the ground. He watched with unseeing eyes, guiltily hoping that his imminent impact was fatal or that a rock would hit him and end his suffering. But he knew that was too simple of a solution, knew that now he was to feel the utter despair that would soon change him into the monster he had earlier used all his energy to defeat, energy he could have used to save his family. The circular path of his doomed fate was to start again, no matter what he did or how hard he tried or how much he thought he had succeeded.
Because how else could his greatest triumph simultaneously turn into his most desolate defeat? Because no matter how hard he had tried, no matter what he had done, he had lost.
He had lost them all.
Sorry it's a little long, the scene was a bit lengthy ^^;
My fic sample will be up as soon as I figure out which page I want to use...>.> |
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"The long game was ended, the Snitch had been caught, it was time to leave the air..." ~Deathly Hallows, 698 |
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Firefury Amahira
Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 1727
Location: A land of fires, floods, and earthquakes
Favorite character: Dan
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| Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:11 am |
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Oh wow, bravo! If I didn't already know Clocky was going to intervene and that there's a happy ending around the corner, that scene would be heart-wrenchingly depressing.
And since it'd be hypocritical to suggest scene novelizations and stuff without doing so myself.... Hrm. Not sure if this scene from my fic Jeremiad counts as just a scene from my fic or a novelization of a scene from the show, since it's... well, both. But it's told in first-person, so.... yeah. This is from the intro to TUE, from where we first see Valerie up to when the shield goes down:
Quote: It was a grey afternoon, the threat of a storm looming dark overhead, flashes of lightning crackling through the air, occasionally setting small fires out in the ruins. The aerial cars crept along their routes, as the city maintained it's normal level of bustling activity. I was going about my daily routine, checking the towers. It had been months since anyone had last seen any sign of Phantom, the fear was beginning ever slowly to fade. I did a flyby of my old alma mater, acknowledging the waves of the students with a quick salute before I shot off on my way to the next tower. My 24th birthday would be coming up soon, and I'd heard rumors about the Patrol planning some sort of surprise. I was actually in a fairly chipper mood that day, my grief from the past pushed back from my thoughts as I approached one of the massive towers, listening to the distinct crackling noise from the massive generators.
I hopped off the sled as I reached the maintenence platform, leaning my sled on the rail and quickly closing the distance between the railing and the tower structure, where the status box was. Sure, all thirty-four towers reported their status directly to FentonWorks via both wireless communications and ground lines, but the Patrol was trained to be paranoid, hence my daily manual checks, a ritual that took most of the morning and occasionally into the afternoon. With practiced ease, I flipped the box open, verifying that all the power gauges were within acceptable limits. How could I have known what was about to happen that bleak afternoon?
I tapped a button on my wrist band, reporting back to my father at headquarters. "Ghost shield tower nine, one-hundred percent operational." We had some minor problems earlier in the day with towers thirty-two and thirty-three, and calling that in had put my routine slightly out of order.
My father sat down in a chair back at headquarters. "Great sweetie." He had aged fairly well, though he had the look now of a soldier who had seen the worst the battlefield had to offer. "Check the last tower and get ba-"
The tiny screen cut to static suddenly, and I tensed as I felt the familiar rush of adrenaline as my worry instantly mounted. "Daddy? Daddy!" I demanded, getting no response. The screen cut to black, save for two gleaming red eyes. No, what did he want now? What did he think he could do? The shield had stopped him every time in the past, why was he contacting me now ?
"Hello Valerie." That voice, silky smooth, I could almost see him smirking as he addressed me.
"You again ?" I snapped at my communicator, glaring at the tiny screen. I was confident in the shield's ability, otherwise I might not have been quite so talkative to Phantom. "I don't care how powerful you are, ghost! You can't break through the shield!"
Famous last words of a fool. I should have known better than to tempt fate, to tempt karma. But no, like every other person in that city, I had come to view those giant silver towers as an impregnable fortress, a barrier that no ghost could ever hope to breach. I didn't count on Phantom's strength ever giving him a way to take out at least fifteen of the towers at the same time. After all, to accomplish that would require an attack with a blast range some twenty-seven miles wide, and several miles deep.
"Until today ." Phantom stated, a trace amount of smug glee in his tone, and it sounded for an instant like he was taking a deep breath.
That's when it all fell apart. The deck beneath my feet rumbled and the most hideous, piercing wailing I could ever imagine sounded out. I winced and covered my ears as I staggered on the suddenly unsteady footing, the gesture useless against the bone-grating cacophony. It was like an earthquake, the entire city quaking from top to bottom. The wailing was soon joined by fearful cries and panicked shouts; a literal explosion of glass and a chorus of explosions as aircar drivers lost control of their vehicles amid the confusion, smashing into each other, into buildings, into the ground.
I gasped when I heard tower nine's status box beeping a warning, the sound almost inaudible amid all the noise. I glanced up at it, gaping in horror as I saw the power gauges plummeting. With a yelp I looked up at the generator several dozen stories above me, watching the blue-white bolts crackling along the massive structure. To my absolute horror, I watched as the explosions began, first at the uppermost part of the generator, and running steadily down the massive silver structure. Looking up all the while, I ran to retrieve my jet sled. I had to get away or I would be caught in the blast!
With a shout I leapt from the railing, my grip on the sled torn as the deck behind me exploded, propelling me wildly through the air on the shockwave. I tumbled midair before realizing I was now on a crash course with one of the buildings in the distance. It was reflex, I hit the recall button, already thinking of what needed to be done to address the emergency even as I fell. It was only one tower, there had to still be time!
Thankfully, my sled caught me just inches before I would have plowed into the glass side of an office tower, the remaining glass shattering in the jet wake. I pulled myself up to a sitting position, straddling the sled as I regained the lost altitude. It was bad. The wailing had tapered off, but tower nine was in ruins , smoke billowing from the top. I was only briefly relieved to see the blue dome still shining. Very briefly, because then tower ten exploded in much the same way as nine. Then tower eleven, then twelve, then thirteen. Smoke curled into the air as the explosions continued, and I knew in that moment we were doomed. I saw in the distance as the towers continued to explode, counting in my head the number of them that still functioned. Twenty-two, twenty-one, twenty... nineteen.
It began at the base of the dome, the blue bubble slowly lifting skyward, the comforting glow diminishing as the shield faded, revealing the grey sky to the masses. For a moment, there was silence as the shield winked out completely directly overhead. I knew it, every single person in the streets far below me knew it. Our time was up. |
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Kismet
Moderator
Joined: 02 Feb 2007
Posts: 3268
Location: The Labyrinth
Favorite character: Valerie
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| (No subject) |
| Posted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:02 pm |
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Aaaaah my internet failed right when I had all my stuff typed up, ergh!
I'll return ASAP with my first two entires. >_< |
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been there, done that, messed around
i'll never let you sweep me off my feet |
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slifertheskydragon
Joined: 04 Sep 2007
Posts: 45
Location: Bay area, California
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 8:05 am |
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How do you guys write llike that? it's so poetic and pretty.
I think i have the attention span of a pea so all my fics kinda reflect that. I end up just making the action-y parts all obvious and in your face.
like...
"he got punched in the face"
instead of adding all that pretty english...
X.o;; makes me want to take a creative writing class now... but i hate english... T_T
i'm good with having a fight scene planned out to make it dramatic, i just can't write it all detailed and awesome as you guys... (goes back to drawing)
that reminds me i have to finish like 2 fanfictions i never got around to finishing... |
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Darth-Frodo
Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 94
Location: ASU
Favorite character: Danny!
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| Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:27 pm |
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*blush* Well...thank you ^^
And personally, I don't think you need to take a creative writing class to necessarily get better. I mean, I'm sure it might help but really the way I learned to write was just practicing and reading really. I like to take bits and pieces from my favorite authors and try to incorporate it into my work, like methods and ways they describe scenes or emotions mostly. I find emotions to be the most troubling and yet, one of the most important aspects of writing.
But that's my advice at least if you really are aiming to write better, though I'm sure you write wonderfully and are just like all modest authors ^^ |
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deviantArt Account ~ fanfiction.net Account
"The long game was ended, the Snitch had been caught, it was time to leave the air..." ~Deathly Hallows, 698 |
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Kismet
Moderator
Joined: 02 Feb 2007
Posts: 3268
Location: The Labyrinth
Favorite character: Valerie
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| (No subject) |
| Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 4:39 pm |
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Okay, since my internet SHUT OFF the last time I -- WHOA there is something funkay about this page, I need to figure this out when I'm done -- wrote an audition piece (and of course the back button produced ZILCH), here it is now:
Excerpt from the unfinished "Never Good Enough", Saramis Kismet
Written about 19 months ago... I don't have many RECENT DP fanfics with this kind of mood ^_^ So let's say I have improved a bit.
Quote: A rustle and the sound of a couple of snapping twigs reached Plasmiuss pointed ears from the right. More visible than a human would be thanks to his ethereal glow, Cyrus appeared in his usual attire of a black robe. Plasmius? he called in a youthful voice that defied his true age.
The half ghost didnt know exactly how old the man was, but it was not necessary information. The ghost was bound into service with Plasmius, and that was all he needed out of him.
Still invisible, he walked through a tree that was in his path and faded back into view and solidity. Youre late, he growled. Very late, actually.
My apologies, sir, replied Cyrus without remorse. I was detained by an unexpected visit from the ghost hunter you so very much detest. The other one proved slightly difficult to detain. The one you hold attachment to.
Plasmius narrowed his eyes. How on this plane could a bumbling lunatic like him keep you at bay? Your abilities
Are most powerful, arent they? Cyrus interrupted, with a smirk of pride. But any power that becomes overused will begin to fail. Rest easy, Plasmius.
Do not patronize me, Cyrus! Vlad exclaimed. For a ghost with an extremely military mind, he easily forgot his place as Plasmius's subordinate. Must I remind you of the image?
Cyruss eyes looked darkly into Plasmiuss before he answered. His left hand moved to his right sleeve absentmindedly. No. Believe me, sir, when I say that it is not an easy thing for one to forget.
Thank you, he replied. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and said, How is your job fairing?
A satisfied grin slowly formed on Cyruss features. Oh, quite well I should say. Almost everything that you told me about the boy is true. Especially the technique you told me to use to stop him in his track, he added, remembering how simple it was to wrap his hand around his small neck and catch him in midair. That was rather enjoyable.
Really, Vlad muttered under his breath. And how many times have you encountered him?
Thrice.
And?
The results are as we desired them.
Vlad nodded. Good, good. Id like more, though, he said, taking a seat on a large boulder. And I have one complaint.
Cyrus raised an eyebrow or at least, the part of his face where an eyebrow was supposed to be. Something does not satisfy you, sir?
No, something does not satisfy me. There was a young woman in red at the incident six days ago, was there not?
At the bottom of Cyruss neck was a silver clasp that held his robe closed around his body. Lazily, he fingered it and thought this over. I believe there might have been. A foolish human, I easily took seize of her. She seems to think shes quite strong.
For a human, she was, Vlad had to give her that. Valerie Gray was constantly proving to be a better ghost huntress than he had expected. I would prefer that you not do something like that to her again, Vlad said diplomatically. Shes a rather important and expensive piece if you understand what I am saying.
But it disturbed the child so much to see her behave in that way. It would be a tactical advantage, would it not?
You are simply to fight the boy, Vlad reiterated, fingers glowing pink ominously. And to do whatever else is needed to catch his attention to you. Do not physically or mentally harm either of the women and I will not have any problems with you whatsoever.
"Why not?"
"Because if he were to discover that I was behind it, then the entire point of this strategy would be nullified!"
Cyrus inhaled deeply through his nose and lowered his hand from his breast. Yes, sir, he replied evenly.
Scene from Control Freaks (Because I need to use the DPO transcripts ^_^)
Quote: Just like that, the staff was out of Freakshow's hands, and up in the air for grabs.
Prepared to run when the time was needed, Tucker sprinted across the roof with his arms outstretched. He watched in slow motion as the end of the staff made contaqct with his hands... and slipped.
Sam followed the staff's trajectory straight into Danny's waiting, obedient hands. She smiled -- if Tucker hadn't caught it, the next best person would be Danny. If he could control himself, then that meant he could free himself.
"Way to go, man!" Tucker cried, holding his hand up for victory.
With a triumphant smile, Danny raised his own hand -- and blasted Tucker away.
Cr-aaaap.
Disoriented, Tucker fell into the open arms of another of Freakshow's drones -- none of whom were free, even though he no longer held the staff. Danny held it in both hands now, still a slave, and therefore, allowing himself to be a slave.
Freakshow cackled and held out a gloved hand. "Very good, drone!" he cried happily, enjoying his moment of total control. He could see the teenagers were near defeat. "Now give me my staff. Come on, bring it," he beckoned.
Danny didn't. He stood still, and looked down at the staff in confusion.
That moment of hesitation completely changed the way the game was played. Sam inhaled, freshly hopeful. He was unsure! He did not obey Freakshow immediately. If she was going to do anything to bring her Danny back, she had to do it now.
"Fight it, Danny!" she yelled desperately. "He's not holding the crystal ball anymore! YOU are!" She was interrupted by an angry shove. Freakshow glared at her, realizing the importance this moment had, and pushed her back to the edge of the roof. She gasped, and caught her balance just before she fell off.
"Silence!" he roared. "Obey me, ghost! Give. Me. My. Staff."
But Sam's words were working. The power over Danny was weaker with the staff in his hands -- the fight inside him could be seen from where she was. "I saw you up on that high wire," she said softly. "You were fighting him the whole time! Fight him now, Danny!"
He looked up to her, lost.
"You're not just a ghost!"
He looked back down at the staff.
"Fight him!"
"Quiet!" Danny yelled at her, and her shoulders fell. "All of you!" he added, commanding his master. "I need to think!"
She was close. She was so close. What could she do to pull Danny's soul back one more time?
"Well, it's the crystal ball," she declared, "or your friends, Danny. Your choice!"
She stepped back. Apparently, she had forgotten that she was already on the edge of the train.
And she fell.
"Sam!" Tucker cried, struggling against his restraints. "No!" |
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been there, done that, messed around
i'll never let you sweep me off my feet |
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Kira Phantom
Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Posts: 429
Location: In Amity park Cramming of a test or fighting Ectoamaricans With Danny
Favorite character: Danny Fenton/Phantom
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| (No subject) |
| Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 9:21 pm |
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Here is my Fanfic post,
this is from my story called "The aftermath"
Danny and Kira reached the school grounds, and found Tucker and Sam standing in the shade of a pine tree.
Danny walked up to them and told them in private what he had heard earlier that morning.
"I wonder what she meant when she said "the people I missed most was you." " Said Danny
"Maybe she might be a family friend, or a cousin that was removed." Sam suggested
"Or something like a cousin who died." said Tucker
Danny stared at him
"Why would you say that?" he asked
"I don't know it was just a suggestion." Tucker said
Danny shrugged
"Who or what she is, who can say? He said.
The bell rang and Danny, Kira, Sam and Tucker, headed for their first class, Chemistry 101.
The classroom was noisy, until a beer bellied teacher walked in and said "Class, settle down."
And the class fell silent.
"Now, before we get started, I would like to announce that we have a new student joining us today, Kira Cushman." he said pointing to Kira who stood politely and then sat back down quickly
"Ok, now that introductions are done, we will start" he said.
"Who is he?" Kira asked Danny
"That is Mr. Lancer." Danny said
"Today we will be studying DNA and how similar it is to your neighbor's DNA" Mr. Lancer stated
Danny raised his hand
"Yes, Mr. Fenton?" said Mr. Lancer
"Mr. Lancer, I thought that we where going to study DNA in our sophomore year." Danny said
"Well, I want to see how well you do with it now." Mr. Lancer said in a greasy voice.
Kira shook nervously in her seat, for she knew that if Danny saw the structure of her DNA, he would find out.
When Mr. Lancer gave to order to begin, Danny swabbed his mouth and Kira did the same.
They put the saliva samples on slides and examined them for an hour, taking notes, writing changes in the DNA structures, after the hour Mr. Lancer told them to switch, Kira hesitated but gave her slide to Danny.
After Chemistry, Danny and Kira (along with Sam and Tucker) walked over to their lockers and put their books inside.
"So Kira.." Danny began
"Oh, no here it comes." Kira thought mentally and braced herself.
"What were you talking to my parents about this morning?" Danny asked her
"Um...what do you mean?" Kira said
Danny gives her a stern look.
"Oh wow, look at the time." Kira says staring at her wrist and running
Danny stared after her
"Whats her problem?" Sam asked
"I don't know, but I am going to find out." Danny said
Kira ran for an hour and saw Jazz, and sighed with relief.
"Hi Kira." She said with a smile.
Kira returned the smile sadly.
"Ok, 'fess up, what is wrong." Jazz said
"I didn't tell him." Kira sighed
Jazz gasped, "You didn't?"
"No, I will tonight though." said Kira
Jazz nodded "Ok."
"I just can't believe it." Kira said suddenly
"What?" said Jazz
"This morning, Danny kissed me."
"WHAT!?!?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Still there is nothing to be concerned about." Jazz said
"I suppose." Kira sighed "anyway I'll talk to you later."
Jazz waved good-bye as Kira walked away.
Later that night, after dinner, Kira walked into the living room followed by Maddie, Jack, Jazz, and Danny.
They sat in a circle in the middle of the floor staring at each other.
Danny broke the silence by saying, "What is the big secret?"
That is when Maddie burst into tears, and Jack looked from Kira to Danny.
"Well, Danny," Kira began.
Maddie sobbing stopped abruptly and she stared at Kira.
"When you where born, and yes I have to start there," Jack started
"You and Jazz where our only children, the nurse held you, and said that you would become a handsome son, and she was right." Maddie through in
"But we had another, surprise," Jack said
"On that day, I gave birth to twins." Maddie grinning but crying a little
"One was male." Jack said
"Me, right?" Danny said
Maddie nodded, "yes and your twin was female."
Danny's eyes widened
"Your twin was different." Jack said
"Her first sound, which was in the hospital that very night, was a giggle" Maddie said
"Yeah, she laughed at my thinking face." Jack said
He did the same face he did that very night, and Kira started to laugh, then Danny, and Maddie.
"All this time we never thought we would see her again," Maddie said
"But we were wrong." Jack said with a smile
"Jazz do you remember?" Maddie asked
Jazz nodded happily.
"But who is she, what is her name?" Danny asked
"Danny," Kira said softly
And Danny stared at her as though he had never seen her before
"I...I was there, I was the one who giggled at your father's face that night, I knew them from that night and that is why I came here." Kira said
"I don't understand." Danny said
"Do you remember the night I came and you asked if I had relatives that lived in this town, and I told you 'no'?" Kira asked
Danny nodded
"Well, I lied." Kira said, "Danny, I am your sister."
"Really?" Danny said, "She's kidding right?"
Maddie and Jack shook their heads
"But why has no one told me?" Danny said
"Because you would have wanted to see her, but we had no Idea where she was." Jack said to his son
"When you two where little, you two acted strange, I won't deny it." Maddie said
"It was like you where communicating to each other, but in a thought way." Jack said
"You mean like thought speak!?" Kira and Danny said
Maddie nodded
"Whenever we let you play with each other, you would just sit and stare then every so often, we would hear a giggle or two, but nothing was said." Maddie explained
<Why, was it a bad thing? > Kira thought
Danny turned to Kira
<Did you say something? > He asked in the same way
<Can you hear me? > Kira asked as her eyes opened in shock
Danny nodded
Kira and Danny yelled "Oh My god!" in unison
They both looked pale, (well Danny, pale as if he saw a ghost or at least the way a normal person looked like when they did see a ghost, Kira looked the same.) and they each broke out in cold sweat.
"I heard you," Danny said "but not with my ears, like it was in my brain."
"I heard you the same way." Kira said her eyes where as wide as dinner plates.
Jack and Maddie smiled "and there was something else too." Maddie said
"What!?" Danny said
"Let me use an example, if I pricked you with a needle or a knife, and you bled, " Jack said to Danny "then Kira would feel the same pain and she would bled in the same spot as where I pricked you."
The remaining color in Danny and Kira's faces drained, they started to shake
Then they fainted and knew no more. |
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Thanks Maba |
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Nefarious
Joined: 18 Mar 2007
Posts: 3335
Location: Yo' momma. That's right, I said it!!
Favorite character: Clockwork, I guess. He\\\'s pretty harsh.
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| Re: Writer Tryouts |
| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:14 am |
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Okay, I'll just post a snippet, if nobody minds.
~~~~~~~~~
Now listen, Gayle. This isnt like a training exercise. Theres no Okay, lets start it up again here. Theres one shot, and we cant screw up.
I know, Mr. Phantom.
Gayle Spencer was and odd boy, to say the least. A short, crimson haired boy who was cute enough to be mistake for a girl before an experimental thermos absorbing a rouge ghost through Gayle changed him, the effects similar to Dannys transformation. It had been ten years since Danny Phantoms appearance, and after Gale Spectre came onto the scene, Danny Phantom saw fit to take him under his proverbial wing to train.
Unfortunately, the time for training was past. Gale had faced a few ghost himself, but this time it would be different. Some self-proclaimed Ghost Destroyer had broken into the Ghost Containment Agencys most secure weapons testing vault. Danny did not like have his companys creations used without his approval, and only non lethally. But the Ghost Destroyer had been using them to end the existence of any spirit he came across, no matter the destruction it entailed.
He had forced Dannys hands, having to stop him when reinforcements were stretched thin. Gayle would have to do.
Right. So, what do I do, sir? the boy asked. His hair was blue, though the bangs over his left eye where black. His eyes bore markings underneath them, almost like black war paint. His face was obscured by a black scarf, with blue streaks at the end. It matched his blue turtleneck and black pants, his shirt having a black hexagon cut in half with a zig-zag, making a blue S over his heart. He cracked his knuckles, which had black fingerless gloves over light blue gloves.
Follow my lead. Dont attack unless Im there to help. Danny replied, looking at his forearm. His jumpsuit held a small touch screen on his right forearm, and a goggle with mouthpiece on his right eye. He also wore a belt, on which his insignia rested, that seemed like a pseudo-utility belt. This compound has halls like a maze, use your watch and keep in touch with me if we get separated. And stay away from high places, you know-
Yeah, I cant fly, only lower my gravity. Ill keep that in mind. Gale interrupted, looking back at the large, white building. You think hes made the walls phase-proof?
Danny nodded Most likely. If so, well have to use the vents, but the security cameras might null-inviso adjustments, so wed be seen on them. Any ideas? he asked Gale.
Gale bit his lip. Hes got guards, right?
Like minded individuals who follow him, thats who he gave the weapons to.
And hes set this up to lure you, right?
Presumably. He send an easily traced transmission to us. So, Im thinking its a trap.
If you show up, the guards will come out first before him.
Where are you going with this?
What if someone else comes, will the guards come out?
Danny scratched his head I suppose, to take care of the problem. Yeah, I think so. Youre not saying-
He doesnt have a lot of people, so either hed send them all out and the posts will be left, or hell send a few and I can take care of them. Then you come in through the vents, and corner him when hes distracted.
Danny bit his lip, averting his gaze in thought. I guess we have to. Lets get going. He replied, as they both ran towards the compound.
~~~~~~~~~
Gale leapt, clearing yards in a single jump. As he floated to the ground, a thought came in his head. But it wasnt his own.
And why exactly are you the bait in this plan?
Because, Shade, I chose to be.
And if the G.D. comes out for you instead?
Then Phantomll jump in, and we both take him out.
I hope so.
The voice was Shade, presumably Shade Spectre. Since Gayle obtained his powers, Shade has shown up in his mind. On many occasions, Shade has been the one to help Gayle out of situations. But at the moment, Gale had to concentrate on the task at hand. He stood at the front of the building, out of the cameras view.
Lets get their attention.
Gladly. Gale thought, charging an ecto blast. He fired it, the beam barely scorching the walls. But almost immediately, men in white armor poured out of the doors and windows, armed with what looked like ghost weapons.
Those look non-lethal to me, I think the G.D. has all the big ones. Time for some fun. Shade said, as Gale smirk was hidden by his scarf. He charged, following Shades orders as he assaulted the group. Ecto-energy powering his attacks, he landed punches that seemed super-human. The guards went flying, as Shade kept Gale aware of when and where to move in order to avoid fire. Gale wasnt a violent person, but even he found some pleasure in the fight.
~~~~~~~~~
The sounds of the fight carried on around the compound, and Danny couldnt help but smile.
Guess hes learned something. Now where are those vents he said aloud, scouring the walls. Glancing up, he saw metal work, and fired and ecto-blast at it. It flew off, revealing a square hole. Bingo. He said, flying up and moving inside. Bitofa tightfitoof. He uttered, his shoulders squeaking against the metal walls. He had just barely gotten his feet in, and was unable to move. Right, okay, stay calm. Just have to go intangible and get out Danny said to himself, presumably to keep from overreacting.
But his efforts proved fruitless. Damn, hes phase-proofed the vents too?! he exclaimed, wriggling around vainly. He ceased his actions, and sighed. I hope Gale can handle it Danny mused, in a defeated tone. He groaned, hitting his head against the walls of the ventilation system. That doesnt help. He groaned again his mind racing for a plan.
~~~~~~~~~
Gale quickly dispatched the last guard, and looked around, confused.
Right, what now?
Lets get inside, see if we can help Phantom out.
Gale sighed. If you say so. He thought, opening the doors. He peeked around the corner, seeing the walls deserted. He placed his hand on the wall, turning it intangible. Dannys right, I cant phase through these. Youre sure this is a good idea?
Trust me, just get inside.
Gale stepped through the doors, looking around. Almost instantly, the floor gave out, sending Gale down on some kind of slide. He landed with a grunt on a stone floor, pulling down his scarf as he groaned, as he spat. Trust you, huh? he said aloud, rising with another grunt.
I suppose talking to oneself is the first descent into madness. A voice mused, as Gale glanced up. A tall, muscular figure stood in the shadows, stepping out as he spoke. Gales eyes widened as the mysterious figure of the Ghost Destroyer was revealed. He bore no armor, only a black tank top and camouflage pants. His hair was crew cut, and he hefted what looked like a large ghost bazooka on his shoulder. He looked at Gale, who was eyeing the weapon. Oh, dont fret. For you, Id settle with beating the afterlife from your lanky corpse. Man to man.
Gale stood up shakily, saying Im not lanky, Im svelte!
No, no, you could hide behind a telephone pole. And besides, at least he didnt think you were a girl. Dont let him get you angry, just stay calm and watchful. Shade said, as Gale nodded. The man tossed the bazooka aside, getting in some sort of fighting stance.
Gale scanned the empty battlefield, and leapt through the air, readying a kick. The man grabbed his foot, slamming him into the floor and tossing him aside. Gale rebounded, charging low to knock him off balance, but the man slammed Gale into the floor. He then grabbed him by his collar, and knocked him into the wall, before nailing a fairly solid punch in Gales stomach. He tossed Gale aside, who moaned in pain.
He stood, grabbing his stomach, as the man stood in another stance, waiting.
He knows more about hand-to-hand fighting than Ill ever know. I feel useless.
Use that anger. Fight your way, not his. Shade said, as Gale nodded. He charged the man, who readied to punch. But Gale flashed invisible, and the mans punch was met with air. Gale grabbed the mans feet, but he grabbed Gales hands and tried to throw him into the air. Gale phased through them, using the momentum to flip through him and finally kick the back of his head and punch the inside of his knees. The man hit the ground, as Gale leapt to a window sill, watching.
He stood, wiping his lip as he narrowed his gaze at Gale.
First blood.
Thats how I can beat him. Not fighting man to man
But man to ghost.
The doors to the large room burst open, as metal bands shot out at the Ghost Destroyer. He fell to the side, dodging a few, but they swerved in mid-air, trapping him.
You guys were supposed to wait, I told you I had a plan. A pretentious tone said from outside the doorway. A red-headed woman walked out, encased in a metal suit that apparently had shot the bands.
Gale dropped to the ground, pulling his scarf up and scratching his head. Sorry, Ms. Fenton. But Mr. Phantom was insistent on doing this ourselves.
The suit folded, impossibly fitting in a small watch on Jasmines wrist. She placed her hands on her hips, raising an eyebrow as she asked And wheres Danny now?
I dont know, actually. Gale replied, scratching his chin.
Yeah, Id been wondering that. Wasnt he supposed to take care of this guy?
~~~~~~~~~
Onetwoheave!!
Gale dropped to the ground, catching Jasmine, as Dannys form flew out of the vent, landing upside down in a tree.
He shook his head, grinning sheepishly as his saw Jasmine. Oh, hey thereFancy meeting you here. He said nervously.
She raised another eyebrow, saying What part of I have a plan, you just have to wait didn't you understand?
Well, I just thoughtGale kept insisting that we do it ourselves? he asked, as Gale gave a squeak of surprise.
Gale tapped Jasmines shoulder, asking Um, I dont mean to be rude, but Ive got to get home and study. My teacher, Mr. Fenton, said we have a huge test when we get back from break, and Im not doing that well in Paranormal Studies.
She smiled, saying Thats fine, sweetie. Phantom and I will take care of this guy, can you get home by yourself? Gale nodded, giving a salute as he leapt towards the city. She turned to Danny, saying Have you even prepared their test?
He scoffed, saying Cmon, this guy was killing ghosts!! I think he was a little more important than freshmen classes!
Jasmine rolled her eyes, pressing a button on her watch. A small hover craft turned visible, as the Ghost Destroyer floated out of the building and into the back. Hurry up. Weve got to get him into Containment. She said, as Danny nodded and floated down. The sat in, and Jasmine giggled.
What?
A vent. You were trapped in a vent. Honestly, a vent! she exclaimed, resorting to a bought of laughter. Danny mumbled angrily, starting the hover craft and heading towards the GCA headquarters.
~~~~~~~~~
Gale leapt from building to building, glancing at the hover craft speeding along. Heh, I wish I could tell Mr. Fenton about this. He seems pretty cool, I think he could help me a lot. But even though he works with Mr. Phantom, I dont think he should know about my secret.
Really? You havent caught on yet?
Caught on to what? Gale asked, confused.
An idiot. Im stuck in the mind of an idiot. Honestly, and idiot! Shade said, sighing Gale mumbled angrily, making his way back home.
~~~~~~~~~
Hows that? Is it too long? And do I have to novelize something from the show? The answers to these, and morehopefully given by someone else. Tune in!! |
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MoonlightUmbreon
Joined: 23 Jul 2008
Posts: 14
Favorite character: The Ghostwriter
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| Re: Writer Tryouts |
| Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:05 pm |
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This is something I came up with for the tryouts. I didn't want to use any of my existing fanfics because they're not Episode-ish enough. So, enjoy!
Disclaimer: If I owned Danny Phantom or any related characters, I'd be a very rich person in comparison to now, and I would obviously not be writing fanfiction.
~---~
Quote: ~Lonely~
Vlad tapped his fingers on his chair, stroking the cat he (apparently) didnt own. Maddie the cat meowed affectionately, cuddling up on her masters lap.
Oh Maddie... he sighed. If only humans didnt have worries, just like cats... Maddie looked at him curiously, as though wanting to know what was wrong. Vlad seemed to understand her, continuing. Cats dont have to worry about families and money and stolen college sweethearts. All you have to worry about is the next time youre getting fed.
Maddies eyes narrowed, hissing and spitting warningly; as though shed taken offence to the statement. Her claws extended straight into Vlads leg, causing him to yell out in pain and jump up from the chair, hurling the snow-white cat against the wall. She gave him an evil, twisted look the kind that only a cat can muster and promptly exited the large office to her living space.
Go on, go! Youll be sorry for ever clawing Vlad Masters!
The words fell on deaf ears. Vlad sighed, almost depressingly, knowing that deep-down, Maddie the cat would probably be the best company hed ever have. He had to face that no matter how much he wanted, how much he tried, no matter how many evil diabolical plans he could come up with there was no way hed ever have a proper chance at her. Of course, that wouldnt ever stop him from hoping, would it?
He had work to do. Okay, alright that was an understatement. There was at least five hours worth of it sitting on his desk, waiting to be reviewed. However, not even his half-ghost status would stop him from the horrible human habit of procrastination. He left his desk, leaving the papers to gather dust, heading into his elaborate fit-for-a-king lounge room. He turned on his wall-sized home theatre to watch the news there could be someone who just struck it rich someone unsuspecting of an unprovoked invisible burglary.
...vandalism of Axion Labs today at its headquarters in Amity Park, the suspect... oh come on you cant expect me to read this! Its... oh, fine then. The suspect, a ghost and his pet dog. If anyone has seen the intangible vandal, we urge you to call the Fentons immediately.
A picture of one Daniel Fenton, as Phantom, appeared on the screen. Vlad, intrigued, continued to watch the report.
Damon Grey was on duty at the time of the break in, and has consequently been fired for his incompetence. Axion labs no longer want anything to do with him, despite his continued protests that there was no way he could have prevented the vandal, and that he has to have some way to support his daughter, Valerie Grey. More to come after the ad break.
Flame grilled burgers cooked to perfe-
Vlad abruptly turned off his monstrosity of a television, a plan hatching in his twisted mind. That mans daughter by the name of Valerie she must be feeling some kind of anger for dear Daniels intangible half. Now, if you fuel that anger with ghost weapons, a HAZMAT suit and a glider, just think of the potential of the girl! If she kept on chasing him with that suit and those weapons out of anger for him, he could install microscopic cameras to capture images and thus get information on Daniel.
And if he had enough information on Daniel, he could clone the half-ghost. Have someone to call him father.
Have a son just like Daniel.
Vlad didnt waste a moment in making preparations for the girls new ghost hunting gear. She was now a pawn in his elaborate game of chess. A very worthwhile pawn, too. Depending on how this goes, she could even be a bishop.
No one and nothing could stop him now.
So, erm, how was it? |
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What? Where did I leave my dignity? I think it's in the garage somewhere... oh, no, I guess I've lost it. |
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